Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize