Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
