Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize