I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Two words: blizzard sex
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
