you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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