I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is classic penis vs brain.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
