i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
