nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
