Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
