The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I AM VODKA MAN
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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