We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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