1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize