I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
