piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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