Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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