Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I just put wine in my tea
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
