After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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