you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
