I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
