Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
