You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
