I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
