Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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