Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
