I am puke
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
