Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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