Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize