this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
