i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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