goodnight i made you a song goodbye
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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