Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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