I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
