do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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