just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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