Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
