Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
