The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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