i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i think i just lost a toe
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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