We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
