Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
