okay pat passed out under dana's car
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
