You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
