I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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