Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
