DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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