oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how do flat chested girls get laid?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
