dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
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