so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
