seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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