Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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