it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
