great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
