What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
