Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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