Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
