she was so not down for the gang bang
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize