Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
