We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
