turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
