It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
