so explain again why im purple
no
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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