I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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