I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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