Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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