Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
