if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize