we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
