What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
