You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
