I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
