do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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