whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
