Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
