Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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