I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She's the barista slut.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
