I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
