I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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