u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
