Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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