I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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