Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
