Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize