Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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