What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
