And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
