my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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