Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
