im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
